And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. My point is this this WILL pass. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. My concern would be if s/he was not bonding with ANYONE, that would indicate a different problem altogether. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. I am so confused and sad. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. Hi sad dad, Im starting to worry about the mother. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. He cant even get close to here with a crying. 11. So I came online, and read this entire thread. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Never has. It was more about me I think than him. I cry all the time. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. It broke my heart. Thats good too; try to see that. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? by Margaret e Jacobsen. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. RIght now he is identifying with dad. If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. Im a teacher so am home most days quite early so do see a lot of her. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. I was always there for him. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Im a 26 yr old dad. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Please help! You sound beyond sad, really despairing. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. 1. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. When daddy is the bored or tired of this the he conveniently disappears and I take over. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. You can read more about baby development at different months here. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. I dont know what to do, I feel desperate. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. I am in a similar state..My daughter has chosen my husband and my MIL always over me..I had a C section and whenever she used to cry as a newborn my MIL would come and whisk her away..Dad was her all time fav cos he would sing to her in his deep voice..I comforted myself saying that it would all be fine but she is one year old now and I see no improvement..When she is crying, she doesnt want me.My MIL whisks her away and she stops crying in a sec..My MIL thinks I am not doing a good job as a mon and that erodes my confidence as a working woman and a mom..I regret having my baby sometimes even though she is the most beautiful angel in my eyes..I cry and I have a diary written for her to read when she becomes a mom..On the overall I dont feel like a mom..My daughter doesnt hug me..She doesnt call me Mama.She hugs her dad and grandma all the time and says even Apple and Papa..I guess I am just not meant to live!! Thank you SO much for writing about this!! However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. Mine is something similar. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. Dont worry. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; Take your baby for a casual walk. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. I feel bad for the child. Thank you and keep your heads up!! I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. Best of luck. Hi! In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . I miss my baby terribly. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! Heartbreaking! Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. Sometime when I am feeding him on the weekends (breakfast typically), my son wants to get out of the high chair and go to dad. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. Help . However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. I bathe with her, I nurse her, I stay up with her in the wee hours of the night, I sing to her, I play with her, I carry her, I feed her, I change her I cannot fathom how she could possible love her caregiver or father more than me. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. Ive been home with her from the beginning. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. So chin up, even when its hard. Must be very painful for the mother. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! It took me a while to get into the groove of motherhood not sure whether it was my age, post partum? Im in need of some help here. They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. At 15 months, she lives in the present. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Unrequited love hey. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. I cant help having my heart broken. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. We may not do much and I am stern when it comes to bad behavior but she cries a lot and asks where daddy is. So here comes my last advice. At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. Thank you thank you thank you!! He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. Hang in there! Running away like that is completely unacceptable. My daughter just turned one. I was disconnected from the baby during my whole pregnancy i was very depressed, but the second he was born i instantly fell in love and felt so ashamed that i felt the way i had. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. 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