How can I put the hurt aside and go back to loving him like I use to? I want us to work out because I think what we had is special and what others dream about. I have been with my bf for 7 years. I didnt mind buying stuff she needs to get done. I will do absolutely anything to earn her back. :(. But I have destroyed him. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. Hello dr. We continued on fine after this, falling in love being all consumed by each other. do you know anything about love ?? So I know shes laughing at me like yea trick I got your husband,he chose me and dumped you. When you write down how it truly was, the process will liberate you to move on. She was like a guy came last night and cause trouble and that he took her car key. I took the next half hour trying to explain why I had issue with formal tucked in clothing, I opened up about how I didnt as attractive tucked in due to my waste line recently being larger due to water retention due to some medications I was on. I had been letting fear of a nonexistent condition I fabricated in my head rule my life. His face was deeply flushed & his mouth was pulled into a tense thin line. The constant verbal and physical abuse have left me with depression, anxiety, stress, and fear of giving in again. The issues that led to these problems started well before that, when his ex sued for relocation custody. Feel so lost. I have been dealing with depression for many years since having children with my boyfriend, he has always been someone who loved to drink and over the years of enjoyment of drinking turned into the need of drinking. did he do that? I am inneed of it badly. He gave a dry hi not even a kiss or hug. See if the feelings will come, and give it time. Hey Steve, thanks for commenting on my article and on your sincere remorse. Please help! I told her to just trust me because Ive done so much for her. Dear Dr, We spoke daily and text for a month before we agreed to see one another. Am I crazy for trying so hard? I havent reached my goal weight and although Im in university I do not put in 100% all the time. Then one day I found that he communicates with his ex still. If you direct your negative feelings at the person because of this flaw in his or her personality, you are bound to hate him or her (at least a little). You wont have to force it; it, too, will be a natural process. I am so crushed at his behavior and how easy it is for him to abandon us without word all because of a few to many drinks. But I cant get him to talk to me. He was the first man who treated me well and had no issues with his life. Then I didnt tell you the good part the co worker,my husband and myself all work at the same place. Partner two has either called, came over, text or emailed every day since. Spark a Love Connection I added a few friends from my childhood one was a male and he lost it then wanted to leave about a week after my brother passed away. Suddenly, her love turned to hate. I was ready to leave him that night, but I stayed as he quietly told me everything he had been keeping from me. I just cant trust him fully I always feel hell do something to me again. we barely talk and i havent seen her since she left. I figured hed just do it again.I always watched his every move and was always going off on him constantly. Thank you for your response. Who's your supplier? Be romantic, too. You may find that if he finally commits, you will feel safer and you will not act that way. Someone tell me what to do?? I dont want this to happen. You should really get help to overcome the trauma of your first terrible experience. He says he didnt realize that any i would consider any of this cheating and apologized. Hello Dr. Deb, Im now 5 weeks from my due date and he recently said that because of how Ive been acting due to the pregnancy and because this isnt what he wanted at this point, hes falling out of love with me. Unfortunately, she had complications with the pregnancy and the child was lost. He doesnt see a problem with it and says it help the pain and his sleep. As a mother their pain is my pain and now I hurt and emotionally stricken even harder. They married and had another baby within a year. I met my sons father at a local gas station filling my tank omw to work. I don't understand thought we were friends. We are in relationship for 4 years. At some point, my partner started therapy to deal with all of this; I did not. When outside circumstances like that happen, its a signal for you to think: How can I improve myself? I, too, had what I perceived to be a betrayal from my husband last July when I saw on his phone him becoming friends with a woman in Romania through Skype texting. Yet hes asking me to dismiss 11 Years of lies & deception which I find completely unacceptable! I made my mistake but I really do love him and want to be forever! Open with his communication with her. We both knew she liked him but he didnt feel that way about her. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened so I feel upset that he would jump straight to getting a divorce. So we had signed a lease as she we were moving for her work and I was honestly fine with that. We were prepared I thought. But I cant go through non-stop abuse and humiliation to get there. Of course, I dont know your complete situation, but Im getting the sense that whats mixing you up is that you (and maybe your boyfriend) have confused the excitement of first getting to know someone with real love. Well in July 2012 I found naked pictures on his phone and went through his Facebook account and found messages to an ex asking if she wanted to have sex. So I understand that and it hurts me but Im not mad at her or him for it. The first part of our marriage was up and down as they usually go, but about 3 years ago we moved back to his country. This is my first move away from home and I suppose I was just rather immature and excited about the whole process of having new life experiences and immersing myself in culture that I didnt think about the people and things I would leave behind. From this, respect and trust begin to grow. I landed in jail. He was afraid he still had feelings for his ex, and wanted to work through them before we moved further with our relationship. 9: Enjoy an aquarium She does not want to fix it. Weve had our share of problems. How long were yall together? My ex doesnt express her feelings much. I resent him. Her own family even neglected her. Sexting and such is escapism. Xx. I wont give up on him. However, the reason your former husband has not changed is because he doesnt understand that he did anything wrong. but i apologised idk what more i should do. I know this is controversial but the chemistry that we share is so great and it never disappears, not even during our crisis. He denied her for a very long time and we got into a big fight. Hed ignore my messages for minutes and reply me after hed replied hers. My son has to suffer. Which I agree with, but still feel its inappropriate for a married woman to be saying to another man. So I hope this is a skill your therapist has. These are the new things that you will be able to talk about. It seems that an emotion with a high arousal effect can quickly turn from positive (love) to negative (hate). Neither of us have a history of cheating or doing such thing. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Every emotion was real. Namely the way he makes me feel; past abuse, disappointments and dishonesty. He would smoke, stay up all night playing video games, and go as far as verbal abuse and even screamed hard with our girl in his arms when I kept pressing for help. Then, when our bucket is full it is easier not to count: did he do this for me? Psychologically, it seems there was a disconnect right there. She believes they have a connection and she is happy with him. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. Hes a very jealous guy since day one but Ive accepted that about him because I would love him and would hope he would heal and get past it. I have kept contact with my ex, but only talking maybe once every month as she does not want regular contact, but says she wants to remain friends. This person left me scared for her life in the person I turned out to be. You should be going to NA meetings, do the steps, have a sponsor and have personal therapy. While I feel terribly impulsive right now, I know patience is needed. She would tell people that I would always only be the stupid girlfriend nothing more because she would be the on,y wife he would ever have. She came home said good night to the kids. He accepted complete blame for his actions, begged for forgiveness, completely cut her off. He deleted everything except his main twitter.told him it wont cut it for me. I am missing a whole lot of information that would take you, literally, hours to fill me in on in order to answer your question properly. But at the same time it is hard to give her that. Maybe your therapist is signaling that you should go with your heart. I was with this girl since Feb, 2012. and im so desperate right now. I now find myself alone in a city with a music scene and a state of physical well-being that in many ways turns me off more than the one I left. I really could use your help please. Next day she breaks up with me saying I am not in her future plans, she does this via text. That sent her over the edge. I get home the next day and she breaks up with me and says I am not in her future. For some reason he could never let her go. Or at least until the love and respect run . In fact, the brain chemistry in love is very much like the chemistry of the brain in addictions. I just didnt have the evidence. My mom still loves him (and she is a very tough cookie) and Im still very close to his family. It just goes to show she never really cared like she said she did. I may not know what youre going through but Im sure Ive had the same thoughts and feelings as you have I hope things will get better for you as well. IIve been in a relationship for 7 years . I could not bring myself to confess to her because I was scared of her reaction and the outcome so I tucked it away and love her the way she deserved to be loved going forward. Every alarm in my heart was going off now. This argument lasted for a week that I missed her so much cus I have not seen her in 3 months (late May to July). Not an old flame. He started coming into my room (I had moved into my daughters room early on) to hug me goodnight. So I decided to talk with him about his new woman. A therapist sees you with more objective eyes than you see yourselves. This last time I was there I couldnt stop crying. And what can I do to make him trust me again? Is my husband going to marry this co worker and their going to b live happily ever after. I dont know if I should be patient or if I have to do something drastic to save the relationship. When you fall into this trap again, remind yourself, I am a good person! Without more details on your situation, this is all I can say. I had been hoping we would push the relationship a step further by seeing each other more, but she has two kids and a busy job and I travel for work about 10 days a month. Every. Well after 5 years of my abuse towards my ex girlfriend she finally said she had to leave so she could grow into the woman she wanted to be. Old whats wrong. I understand that. But he has to give up his thoughts about this other person. Thank you for reading all this, Hi, my ex and I dated for 2months, she was madly I am not desperate I I used to be) but I want my children to have a complete family and we operate well togetherand there is Love, lots of love from my side He says he wants to fix this, but honestly I absolutely dont trust him. Is that a sign that our marriage is done with no chance of savaging it. Constant crying. So I thought maybe hes right. She is taking Prozac for anxiety and she has ADD. Dear Dr. Deb, She says shes numb? I want her back but she is just not in a place right now where she can be with me. I want his trust back as well n his love as well . A professional can provide advice on ways you can quit loving someone romantically, and deal with the pain of a . Can I really learn fall in love with this person again? we were recently told by her mother that she and her grandma will be moving down to Texas( this is her only family keep in mind.) When our wedding song comes on he always wants to slow dance and he tears up but I feel nothing. Good luck. The worries? Well we broke up because he was in a really hard spot and wasnt able to give me much attention and he felt guilty. He tried to lie and tell me he didnt want to lay down because of his night terrors yet hes ok with falling asleep on the couch? She calls right after that meeting and says she wants to take me to Napa to be us again. He just says he doesnt have it in him to make the relationship part work with how drained he feels hes already become emotionally and how much hes working now to make sure we can take care of the baby financially. Thanks. He works out of state and back in my town when he is off for three weeks every six weeks. Finally he visits me and decides to stay he had nothing but the stuff he brought with him so I supported him in everyway until he could himself and we were good for another year. Now Im dealing with abandonment and regret. A couple months later he cheated on me with his ex fiance. I made him try to do everything for me. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Cos I believe that is what enables him. Confront them, because thats what love is. First he said he wanted a divorce now hes not sure. I had already been through a couple of long and unsuccessful relationships which both failed because ultimately neither of those men treated me with respect and both of them ended up being abusive in the end of each relationshipand even through all of that I never cheated or disrespected them when I was in the relationship with them. My life is complete with him in it. Yes, when you love someone, you want to insert them into every aspect of your life. I dont get it. I know her game. Shes rude and I feel like she doesnt truly believe I didnt cheat on her. Here is my story. She wohldnt want to hear about it or apologize. I feel like Ive been so scared by this that I can never truly forgive him and open up to him again. Until it did. Hi I have recently seperated from my husband after 8 years and 3 beautiful kids together. Also, the in-laws payed my car off & that was the deal to get a quick divorce. It seemed or I felt like it went from being ours,us,we to everything was his or my house type of attitude. Good luck! for her and she lost the sparkright now im so My best friend fell in love with me 2 years ago and I could not say yes then since I was moving on from another guy. He hated the arguements and most of all he felt I had betrayed his trust. Where she can be with me our crisis with his life saying I am a person! No chance of savaging it seems that an emotion with a high effect! 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